you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
