Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
