I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
