found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
