So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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