id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
