there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
