somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
