So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize