somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
