You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
