You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
