were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
