I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My vagina is officially offended.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
