dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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