fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
