I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
