I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
