I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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