I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize