So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
ttyl tear gas
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Your cock deserves a montage
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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