Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Be still, my beating vagina.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
