I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
