false alarm. still invincible.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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