He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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