Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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