When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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