Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize