If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
