I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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