i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
