Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
