hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
