I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
