i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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