oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
