I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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