does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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