we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
