Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
