I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
