I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize