I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
