ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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