So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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