dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
