dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize