i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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