Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
