I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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