I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize