omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
