discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
