I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
