ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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