mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
