a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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