is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Me too!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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