I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The uberlube is also flammable
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
