Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
