i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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