Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Sober January is a disaster.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
