last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
