just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I have fence marks all over my body
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
