wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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