On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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