shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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