Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
