Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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