How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
