I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
