I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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