Dude my mom stole all your condoms
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
