Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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