Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
