Duck Duck Cougar?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
