Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
