you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
