my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He did a backflip because drugs
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
