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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  Wtf?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Use the slutty part of ur brain.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"

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• (518): View more from New York

  we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.

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• (714): View more from California

  if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"

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• (845): View more from New York

  Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"

  (571): View more from Virginia

  why not an indie porn pic then

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac

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• (916): View more from California

  I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.

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