You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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