There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I need water and some morals
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
