Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
ok first of all what the fuck
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
