I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
