Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
