If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Come see our sink grown plant.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
