Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
