This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
