Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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