I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
